my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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