my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
