U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
