well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
