take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You took a bar mat shot.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
