wakey wakey hands off snakey
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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