I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
