he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
