so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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