I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No...this little piggys going to the bar
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
