just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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