Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
