went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
