Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever

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(480): View more from Arizona

i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....

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(503): View more from Oregon

Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it

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(860): View more from Connecticut

It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.

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(907): View more from Alaska

You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you

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(212): View more from New York

You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines

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(740): View more from Ohio

At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?

(1-803): View more from South Carolina

You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.

(803): View more from South Carolina

Pride rock will get you every time.

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