Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
