Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
