remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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