I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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