You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
