yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
