Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
