I met the friendliest cop last night
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
