the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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