we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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