Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Randomize
