Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
