She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
