I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
