what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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