Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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