It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
