Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
