I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
be right there i have to get my cape
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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