I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
