We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
