Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
