So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
