she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
