Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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