I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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