I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
