it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
