Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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