I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
