there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
