Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
