grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
