i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
