I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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