i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
