It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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