He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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