this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
3 2 1 whiskey
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
