that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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