you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
