What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just found puke in my bra..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
