Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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