I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
vagina is talking i cant
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
