I am spending my child support on dildos
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
True college students do jello shots in the library
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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