i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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