I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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