Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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