Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
