I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
