i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
honey bunches of taint.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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