i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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