I'm going to jail i love you
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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