1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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