Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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